How I Healed in 2020

Amongst the chaos of a pandemic, somehow I managed to pull ahead and make some amazing changes in my life. 

This past year was a real breaking point for me. But also a time where I was able to hunker down, face my fears and make the changes I have always wanted in my life. 

Behind my smile I was slowly falling apart

After years of dealing with depression and panic attacks, this year finally broke me. The ongoing stress of a busier-than-ever work year, the isolation, and the lack of an outlet for that stress really compounded. I hit a point where I woke up one day and couldn’t bring myself to go to work. I found myself sitting on my couch, with my coat and shoes on and unable to make a step towards the door. I sent off an email saying I wouldn’t be in and laid back down on the couch where I stayed for an entire week. 

This was my first taste of burnout.

After the first week things finally started to come together. I asked myself if I was ready to go back. If I was following a path in life that I was happy with. My job was amazing in all logical reasoning. The pay was good. I had steady hours. Benefits. Company RRSP contributions… 

But suddenly I felt wild, free and reckless. Like myself again! I wanted instability, travel, unexpected work and life adventures. But I was immobilized by self-doubt. I went to youtube and instagram. Started to question my friends who were living a nomadic lifestyle and suddenly it started to come together. They had some great advice for me. Ideas on how to get started. They promised me there would be struggle but in the end, it would be worth it. All life is a struggle to some extent, so I just had to decide what I was struggling FOR. 

I opened a word document and wrote down all the ways I could make money remotely. Some ideas were from lists from blogs or vloggers. And some specific to me. There are parts of my old job I could offer on a freelance basis to my previous workplace. Now that I had things in motion, all I had to do was get started. 

Today I am feeling like myself. After years in a steady job, I am at my computer and putting myself back out there. Vulnerable. Ready for success and prepared for rejection. Because in the end, I am working towards something that I wake up excited about every day. Now I ask myself, where in the world will I want to wake up in the morning? What exciting adventures await me?

I still have to wait out the vaccine and the world to open back up. When it does I plan to be ready with enough freelance work to keep me on the road any time I want. First destination? To Nova Scotia to see my parents! Next? Who knows…